Get the Tissues

I'm wondering where I'd be,
if you hadn't been there, looking out for me?
Would my heart be lost on the streets?
Would my heart have found a reason to beat?

I would like to thank you for being what you are for me
for saying all those things, though I don't seem to agree.
Cause it took a few long years for these selfish eyes to see.
You've lived less for you than you have for me.

I swear I was right in my own mind,
but feelings and thoughts... they change with time.
I felt you weren't easy enough,
but you... you were just raising me with love.

And it isn't easy to face my guilt.
Words I've said, I shouldn't have said, they slipped out of my mouth
And it isn't easy to show my love.
Thoughts I've had, I should have said, but I couldn't get them out.

Until next time...

And the Winner is....

It's pretty interesting to hear some of the guesses for my iPod...pretty funny, too. Especially Rebel Jedi Mom!! MILKSHAKE...what music are you listening to AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT MEANS? :) I do believe there is so much to learn about the one from Coruscant!

Here is my artist list...
Ace of Base
Alicia Keys
Bee Gees
Christina Aguilera
Depeche Mode
Donna Summer
Fall Out Boy
Fleetwood Mack
Guns N' Roses
Justin Timberlake
Kelly Clarkson
The Killers
Lenny Kravitz
Loverboy
Melissa Etheridge
Stevie Nicks
Styx

I still have lots of CD's to rip, but that's what my $50 bought me.

I think we just need to have everyone over for lunch one day and then we can play all my iTunes and maybe you'll feel like doing dishes or laundry or some other chore that I seem to enjoy much more when listening to my new music. Ok, maybe we can just have everyone over and I won't make you listen to my music or do any of my housework.

Thanks for playing. Until next time...

iPod, uPod, We All Need 2Pod

I have been having so much fun with my new iPod Nano that Scott and the kids got me. I don't think I've been this excited about a gift in a while. I LOVE music, so this was a perfect gift. Scott thought it would be great since I'm working out now (BTW -I did 3 miles today in 55 minutes, best time yet - so cool to see my body gaining strength). I also got a gift certificate for $50 to iTunes that I used yesterday. It was so much fun downloading songs that I haven't heard in years. I was walking around the house all day with my iPod singing and dancing. It's much more fun to wash dishes and fold laundry when your listening to songs you love! Scott was begging me to stop by the end of the day...something about me not being able to sing on key or something. I don't know, I couldn't really hear what he was saying...I was too busy listening to ???? Free lunch to anyone who can name 5 artist on my iPod. You can't play, Scott. You've already checked it out and disapproved of my tunes.

I received many other nice gifts for my birthday as well. My mom bought me 2 tickets to see Peter Frampton at Billy Bob's in October. I had such a huge crush on him when I was about 11. I had his fold-out album cover hanging on my closet door and I used to sing and dance around to his songs while gazing into his eyes. Sounds very similar to what I did yesterday, just not any gazing. Scott, can I hang a big picture of you on the closet door?

Thanks to everyone for making this year such a memorable one for me. I will never forget it. It feels really good to have such a beautiful family and wonderful friends! During the party, Carey informed me that Scott did basically everything for it. After the party, I mentioned that to him and he said that was very intentional on his part. His reason was that he felt he had let me down in the past and he wanted to make sure that he put all of HIS efforts into doing this for me. I know it was a lot of hard work and lots of lies that you had to keep up with. But it meant a lot to me that you did it. Thanks so much and I can't wait until your 40th. I know exactly what you want and it's not a surprise party. I think I need to start looking for a job now to pay for it, though. Those guided hunts are expensive, but hey, you are absolutely worth it!! Thanks again!

Another thing that made the night a hit was Justin singing a song for me that he wrote. It was amazing to see him perform in front of everyone, he was very nervous. And to hear the words that he wrote just for us!! Moments like that are what make parenting so worth it. I love him dearly ALL OF THE TIME, but we definitely have our moments of hardship. It was extremely nice to hear that some of what Scott and I are trying to teach him and the other kids, is actually seeping in. Justin has such an incredible heart and an amazing talent...I just hope he can always believe that about himself. I'm going to try and post the video of it, if I can. It makes me cry every time I watch it.

I don't have many pictures yet from party because most of them were from disposable cameras. But I'll post a few from the weekend that I have and then post others later. Until next time...


Scott and Cassie brought me the sunflowers w/some pink roses and Justin got me a dozen red roses


After dinner Friday night


Me and Mom


The whole Famn Damily (does anyone remember that party game?)


Cassie had to be a part of the action while Justin was singing to me


And the best for last, me and my baby

Workout Now, Birthday Later

I wanted to do a quick post about my work out. I've decided to start posting them just so I can keep track and maybe some of you guys can keep me accountable. Scott and I did not go to the gym this morning, but I worked out on the treadmill at home. I did 3.10 miles in 79 minutes. Not sure if that is good timing or not, but I did jog a few times in there. Don't know why...it just felt good to get up some speed (4.0) and sweat a little more! I figure any time is better than what I've been doing in the past...which is, uh, NONE!!!

Birthday stuff will be blogged about later. Scott has downloaded all the video and I'm waiting on a couple of pictures, then I'll post about it. I think almost everyone who reads my blog was there (missed those of you who weren't)...so you know it was an amazing party and I was told I looked fabulous! So what more could a girl ask for?? Oh, yeah, to be serenaded by a very handsome 20 yr. old who had us all in tears!

Will post pictures soon - until next time...

Happy Birthday to ME!

Yes, today is my birthday. Those of you who read my blog already know that. But I thought I would talk about it anyway. 40 years ago, my mom was in a hospital giving birth telling the doctors to "just knock her out". We have been through much in those 40 years and I wouldn't change it for anything in the world now. I don't think I've always been able to say that.

I've been reflecting on this birthday more than usual since it is somewhat of a milestone b-day. The more I think about it the more excited and happy I am. Instead of asking myself and God what have I done with the last 40 years, I'm asking what am I going to do for the next 40 years. Knowing full well that it can be anything that I put my mind to doing. I've gained that confidence through my relationship with God, through my family and the awesome friendships that I have. By no means is my life perfect, nor is my marriage or my kids...but what is different is how I look at my life and how I've learned to put my strengths and weaknesses in the hands of my God.

On a lighter note, Scott let me sleep in this morning while he got the kids up, made their lunches and took them all to school. It was really nice just lying in bed while he was doing what I normally do every morning. Thanks, baby!! At WISDOM (my small group) everyone brought goodies to eat (thanks ladies for the yummy food), we had bible study, then we went to Jazen's afterwards for lunch. We had lots of fun - thanks for the quesadillas, Jazen! Then I had the brilliant idea of shoe polishing my car...yes, it was my idea. I had told everyone at group, I was that stinkin' excited about my birthday that I wanted to announce it to everyone..."Hey, I'm 40 today". I even cried talking to God on the way to church about how thankful I was for my life! Anyway, they shoe polished it for me and for the first time in my life, not even as a teen, I got to drive around with my car shoe polished. Pretty goofy, I know, but fun!!

Enjoy some pictures from this afternoon. Until next time...

Random Thoughts

**Workout #4 for this week was this morning. One more to go by Sunday and I'm on track.

**Trying to change my thought process from loosing weight to getting healthier. Dylan asked me today what my weight goal was and I told him that it wasn't about a number. It was about getting healthier. Now if I could live that and stop getting on the scales.

**Things are starting to get crazy again with kids - Marissa has volleyball practice tonight while Dylan has baseball practice while Cassie has girls scouts "meet the leader" night...all while Scott has school. Fun for me!

**Where do I eat tomorrow night for my b-day dinner? I really want to go somewhere different, but can't think of anything. That always happens.

**How involved in church is too involved? I'm trying to figure that out right now and ask God to show me what needs to give. So many things that I feel God wants me to be a part of, but I can't do it all. Also, I think I allow myself to get very involved because it's an excuse to not do the things that I don't want to do. I'm working on that.

**The computer is also a crutch for me in the above. I sit on the computer (just as I'm doing now) and waste time and avoid doing my housework. That's my next goal...only so much time on the computer a day or it's ok to get on the computer if _____________ is done.

Well, I'm off to do more laundry - April, want to come over and help me? :)

Until next time....

Goals, Goals and more Goals

Goals are something that I have never really been great at. My personality is one of procrastination and I also like to talk myself out of things that I start. I think most women can relate to that negative talk we give ourselves. But one thing I've noticed as I get closer to God and as I get older, is that goals in our lives are extremely important and that the negative internal talk has got to go. Without goals, how are we possibly ever going to grow? And with a negative voice in our head, how are we possibly ever going to create and meet goals? God is our biggest and #1 supporter. With Him, anything is possible. That is the message that I've been trying to retrain my brain and heart to understand. And when I hear those negative voices creeping in, I'm more apt to recognize them now and understand that they are coming from an ungodly place. And do I want to be one who honors that other place and not allow myself to grow as God wants us all to do? I do not want the evil one to be sitting back anymore and saying "That a girl, Angie. I knew I could count on you." I really think if we allow ourselves to place some of the blame on someone else (the devil) besides ourselves and our weaknesses, we could allow ourselves to focus on a much more positive being in our lives...God. I'm not saying blame every wrong thing we do on that, but instead allowing ourselves to understand how evil works and recognizing that is a big step. For instance, I know now that when I start having thoughts of "I am not smart enough, no one really cares if I'm there or not, who am I do to something like that, they are so much better at it than I am", the list could go on and on...the devil feeds on that and then it just snowballs until you believe all these negative thoughts. But if I am able to recognize it and place that blame where it belongs, I can say that is not me causing those insecurities and it certainly isn't God...it must be from the devil. It just puts things more into perspective and allows me to push it away and continue on. Fear is my main reason for not allowing myself to set and meet goals in the past and I feel that fear slipping away somewhat and it's really nice.

Some goals that I've set lately:
**Raising $2200 for the 3Day in October - I'm up to $1835!
**Working out 5 times a week - I'm up to 3 already this week!
**Making sure the laundry doesn't pile up anymore (once I get caught up from my dryer breaking down) - Still working on...but I have a brand new washer and dryer that will help me do that! Thanks, Scotty!
**Being accountable to my good friend Michele and holding each other to our goals.
**Not allowing myself to drop out of my Interior Design class. The old me would probably drop out after 2 or 3 classes.

Ask me about any of these goals if you'd like. I don't mind sharing if I've succeeded or succumbed to defeat! :)

Until next time...

Just For You, April

A sweet friend and fellow blogger has been very nicely hinting that I have not posted anything since August 22. So here goes...an update to things going on over the last month:

~~ 3Day update - Our team, Footprints of Faith is doing great. We had 2 very successful fund raisers and have raised $2900. Will be more as soon as I sell a few more items that someone donated on eBay. Our goal is $2200 each and most everyone is there or very close. I'm up to $1625 at last count. It's been such a great journey and I cannot wait to do this in October. I look forward to being able to say that this is one of my accomplishments!

~~ Scott and I have started a new workout program. Both of us are on a journey of trying to be more healthy and pro-active in what we are doing to our health in lieu of eating and exercising. We have just gotten to a point that it must go no further, we have to take charge of this now...or there will be consequences to pay. Right now, we are tracking everything we eat at Sparkpeople.com. We are also taking advantage of our community center here in Rowlett. In the mornings after dropping kids off at school, we go and workout for an hour. My goal is to do this 5 times a week and hopefully by the time the 3Day gets here, I'll be ready for it. And the other thing I'm hoping is that I'll have developed this new habit and will want to continue it with my husband as a life long commitment. Michele - keep asking about my progress! I'm not quite ready to put my goals out there yet like Scott has, but I'm seriously considering it. You really put yourself out there when you do. I will say I have lost 7 lbs. so far and have been at it for 2 weeks.

~~ Everyone in our household is attending school now. Of course Dylan, Marissa and Cassie are in public school. The girls are loving it and Dylan is already tired of it. Justin is taking a couple of classes at Eastfield and Scott is of course still going a couple of nights a week. But the latest news is that I started last Tuesday. I'm taking a continuing ed course, Interior Design I. I love it!! We are having to take a room in our home and create a floor plan of before and after. During the course of the 8 week class, our teacher and fellow students will help guide and direct us. Our teacher is a licensed interior designer with years of experience. I can't wait to tap into some of it. If you know me well, you know that this is a passion of mine (I know, you can't tell by looking at my house). But I love this so much and don't think I would ever get enough of it. My question is...how could I turn this into a ministry? That was something that was put into my head several years ago when we first started attending Springcreek. Not sure what the answer is yet...have a few ideas, but if you have any pass them on.

~~ 40 is right around the corner for me. Well, not even around the corner, it's in my driveway! I've been thinking about this for a while and really wondered if it would effect me negatively. But I really am rejoicing in it! I am not bothered at all by my age. People still tell me all the time that I look much younger and I still fill much younger. And isn't 40 the new 30? That's what I hear anyway. I still want to do something a little crazy for my 40th. I thought about getting a very small nose piercing (Scott loves the idea) or I thought about having my 13 year old tattoo updated with some sort of cross. Or maybe even something as simple as a crazy new hairstyle. Who knows...I just want to do something silly. Any ideas, let me know. Anyone want to get their nose pierced with me???

Well, I could go on and on. But I'll stop there for today. Keep me current, April. I too am a blog stalker and I love seeing new post on friends sites. So I'll try and do the same.

Until next time...