Feeling a Little Defeated

Last night was our first night back at the Merge (Jr. High Ministry) with our new 6th graders. All the other girls that I got to know and love have moved up to 7th grade and I got to meet the new group. What an experience that was! First of all, we had about 15-17 girls and that itself was crazy! We are going to split up next time into 2 groups, so I think that will help. Secondly, I just wasn't feeling it last night for some reason. Out of all these girls, I only knew one...Miss Emily Bickford, who is awesome! I allowed that to intimidate me and I felt pretty awkward at times during small group. Also, I think I focused way too much on the study itself and not enough on the girls and the topic last night, which was small groups. It just didn't go in the direction I wanted it too. I had my little outline and all my mental notes, but for some reason, it just went astray. At one point last night when I was calling on the girls, every story was about someone in their classroom being really short and how sorry they felt for them....don't ask me how we got on that. But once one girl talked about it, they all needed to share a short person story! I tried relating each story back to our topic or telling them something wise, but most of the time I ended up just looking at them and thinking "why are you talking about short people?" Very awkward!

Anyway, I came home last night feeling very defeated and was allowing way too much negativity to seep in. When I went to bed, it just kept replaying in my mind over and over again like a tape recorder and I couldn't shut it off. So I started praying for God to take it from me and allow me to focus on the positive. Eventually that tape recorder went off and I was able to sleep. This morning I felt much better about it and after talking to Scott about it, he gave me some really good suggestions, which I will hopefully put to good use next time. I'm just so out of my comfort zone with being a "leader" and trying to "teach" these girls something. A huge part of me questions my ability, but I need to let that go and focus on just developing a relationship with these new girls and relaying our study in an open and honest way that they will get. No more opening my study on Tuesday night for Wednesday Merge. I think they deserve more than that.

I know, I know....I made this all about me once again. But ultimately my focus is these girls and relating to them and also learning from them. Then by the grace of God we will all gain something from this!

Until next time....

New Beginnings

Once again, lots of things going on in the Lessard household. School started last week for Scott again, so we are getting back into routine of missing him a couple of nights a week. I used to have a lot of resentment that he made this choice to go back. But we have worked that out and I hope that I can be a huge support to him while he is a student for the next few years.

Cassie started pre-school yesterday at a local church. She loved it and can't wait to go again tomorrow. She will go 2 days a week and she is most excited about having computer lab and Spanish. She is very into learning Spanish right now and can say a couple of words from watching Dora. It will be exciting to watch her learn!

I started working out yesterday. I have to make it public so people can ask me about it! We have a membership at the Rowlett Community Center and I have never used it. So yesterday was my first day of trying to make this a lifelong commitment. I plan to start out going while Cassie is in school and then after I get myself in the habit, increasing that. I have to take baby steps with this because it is something that I do not enjoy doing, but know that it is very needed. So say a prayer for me that I stick with it. I did feel really good afterwards yesterday, but not during.

Also, Justin has already moved back home. He moved to Austin not even 3 weeks ago. I got a phone call Saturday night from him wanting to know if he was allowed to come back. So he is back and trying to figure out what to do with himself. He already got his old job back at Pizza Hut, but he needs more. His girlfriend and him decided they were too young to be living together and to be so serious. She is still in Austin and attending college there. I would love to see him get really serious about his music again, but only he can do that!

We had a new addition to my ladies small group, also. Michele Force had her baby....Maddox Reade Force. Very powerful name! He is just beautiful too! Congrats to the Forces - look forward to seeing him on Friday's.

On the note of small groups, I also received an invitation to join another ladies small group on Wednesday's. It is a group of great ladies and I think I would love to be a part of it. I have been praying about it and thinking about and wondering how I could do both of my groups plus a couples group that Scott and I are in. Well, at church Sunday, I think God answered my prayer. The new series is "Dirty Little Secrets" and this Sunday was on sexual abuse. It was really moving and powerful to me. There is a lady in our church that spoke about her past a little and she is starting a new support group. I really feel that I should be a part of this. Thank God I have dealt with my past through counseling and have a sense of resolution around it. But I feel a very strong urge that I should be a support for others in this area. Isn't that what it's all about? Being able to be there for others.

Like I said, a lot going on in the Lessard household. But that is nothing new. Until next time....

Someone Pinch Me

It's truly amazing to me that I have a son that is living out on his own in another city. This past Thursday, Justin moved to Austin with his girlfriend Hayley. She decided she wanted to go to school there and he followed. He is not planning on attending school this semester, but says he plans on it in January. They have a very cute, little apartment right smack in the middle of downtown Austin. It is a cool location. He got a job at Pizza Hut the day he moved there, working full time with benefits and everything. Even got a raise from what he was making at Pizza Hut in Rockwall. And they will help pay for part of his college. Sounds like a company he should stick with through school.

Scott and I really did hate to see them move in together for so many different reasons. We love him and are here for him, but don't agree with several of the decisions being made. It's a hard spot to be in as a parent. Especially a parent who has made some of the same mistakes. Justin knows how I feel and it would be senseless to continue to preach to him about it. So we've decided to try and help him be smart about his choices. Whatever that may be...money, school, living together, etc. The quickest way to push him out of our lives, would be to continually tell him what he is doing wrong. So focus on the positive and help him to make adult decisions when he comes to us. But what about all the emotions that Mom is going through....guilt, sadness, happiness, regret, excitement. I could go on and on. I really am proud of him. He has grown up a lot in the last year and I think this experience can be one of more learning and growing up, for all of us!!!

Until next time....

I Survived My First Night

I started volunteering for the Merge (Jr. High ministry) at church a few months ago and have been really enjoying it a lot. Last night was my first night to have the 6th grade girls with me preparing the study (from Jay's lesson). I've filled in before and used their notes and preparations for small group. But last night, it was Megan and me. She is my teen leader for our group. She is really awesome and I think we are going to make a great team for the new 6th grade girls!

I was so nervous about my notes and what my take was on our study. I kept second guessing myself. I even thought about having Scott or Jay read over my outline. But I talked myself out of it and just kept praying that God would give me the right words to say to these girls. I just kept doubting myself and each time I did, I would just lift it up to God. I have to say it went great last night!!! We only had a few girls, so it was pretty intimate and all the girls felt like sharing. It was awesome. I didn't feel like an idiot and I don't think I made a complete fool of myself. Jay even said several things that I had in my notes (confirmation for me). Yes, I know, I'm making this about me and it's not about me. It's about the girls and helping them see their way as young Christians and being here for them. But I have to be honest, I think I'm going to gain as much, if not more, than these girls are from being a part of this ministry. I've done lots of volunteering for different areas in the church. But nothing ever got me excited like this. I don't ever dread going to any events or our Wednesday nights. I really look forward to seeing everyone and getting to listen to Jay. He is great with the kids. I feel really good about serving in this area and I know God has something in mind for me. That is the first time I think I can honestly say that about anywhere I've served before in church!

I also feel really blessed because Dylan doesn't mind me being a part of it. I probably would not have signed up if he wasn't comfortable with me being there. How nice it is that my 12 year old son doesn't mind me hanging around. Now, when Marissa is in 6th grade, it might be a different story. But I have another year before that happens.

Until next time.....

Just For My Baby

More NY Pics

New York New York

Here are a few pics from our vacation. Enjoy!

Home Sweet Home

Back home again after a week in NYC! What a blast we had with the kids and Scott's NY family. The kids repeatedly thanked us and said this was the best vacation ever. We did have a lot of fun and we didn't stop for a minute. I'll post some pictures once Scott gets them on the computer and I'm sure he'll post some as well.

I think my highlight for the week was seeing "Beauty and the Beast" on Broadway. I'm ready to hit another play as soon as possible. Scott and I are already talking about going up one weekend and seeing another one w/out kids!! Can't wait. It was a great experience and was just beautiful!! The kids really enjoyed it a lot. Scott and Justin let the tears flow, it was so beautiful! The Bronx zoo was really great, too. They have a new gorilla exhibit and it was so cool to watch them in action. We literally stood and watched a baby and her mama for over 30 minutes. It's almost creepy to see how much they are like us, some more than others!!!

We hit the beach one day, went to a Mets game, had a couple of family get togethers, walked around Manhattan and went to New Jersey to Six Flags. I'm telling ya, we didn't stop for much!!! It feels really good to be home again, though. I had a blast and I love catching up with our NY family and getting re-acquainted. But there ain't nothing like coming home and sleeping in your own bed!

Well, that's it for now. I'll post some pics later....until next time....