Does It Ever Get Easy?

Yes, I'm back. For now anyway. Who knows how long it will be in between posts again. But I just felt like typing and getting some thoughts out there. I'm pretty bummed about some stuff and hopefully this will help me.

Justin moved out again today. He is moving in with a friend of his, LeAnn. She has her own apartment very close by and they decided to become roommates. I met her today for the first time. She came to help him pack and she seems really sweet. I hope it works out for him. I really wasn't upset by his leaving. And I don't think that is wrong or bad of me as a parent. There are several reasons for this though. This is his 3rd time to move out (I half expect him to be home in a couple of months), he is only about 10 minutes away, and we don't see much of him to begin with. There are other reasons as well. We get along ok, but that is mainly because he isn't home alot and also because I choose not to confront him much. We really don't see eye to eye on a lot of issues. Part of that is expected, he is 20 and I'm almost 40. So there is a gender gap, but it goes beyond that. There is a definate respect issue and I think that is where a lot of our issues lie. I tried to explain some things to Justin today after we got into a very heated discussion about our relationship. I really hope some of it sunk in. But sometimes I think he is just in his own little world and it's going to take him having his own family to understand where I'm coming from.

He came home today to pack and move his things and I was really ok with all of it. Then he starts bringing stuff down from his room that do not belong to him. They are items of mine that I used to make his room look nicer. The first thing he was bringing down was the nightstand to our bedroom set. We'll after telling him that all this "stuff" wasn't his, he got really pissed at me and decided to be extremely rude. His response to me was that if it was in his room he should be able to take it. Some of these things were not worth arguing over....some candles, a picture and I don't know what else. But he also had a couple of things that Scott gave me from India. So I only took those back and told him to keep the other things, that it's not worth fighting over. But by then he had already made some pretty mean comments about me and I was crying and LeAnn was telling me she would get my stuff for me. IT WAS NOT ABOUT THE STUFF!!!! Once again, it is about respect and his feeling of entitlement. Justin has a really good track record of not taking care of things, including things that are his own or that are someone elses. But why couldn't he just ask me instead of feeling like he did? I feel like I tried to do something nice and make his room decent (which he has stated that he could care less what his room looks like)and he just took total advantage of that. But that is not really what hurt so much. His words, his anger and what he said to me hurt more than anything. By the time it was all over we were hugging, but the hurt is still very much there.